Bullying: Guiding My Kids Through It

It’s been quiet around here this week  because I have been helping my daughter deal with being bullied.  It has been a hard, stressful, & heart breaking experience, one in which my daughter and I learned so much from.  This experience has really opened up my eyes up about:
*how damaging social media really is
*how people who always play the victim never grow up
*how there are way too many parents that don’t have their children take responsibility for their own actions
* how bullying has two sides…….both are bad
*how much parents and schools really drop the ball, especially when there are warning signs
For the last month, my daughter has been getting bullied by two girls and a few of their friends.  To date, my daughter has been in a 3 fights (2 she only responded two after she got hit but the last one she just let them shove her to the ground hitting and kicking her, while others just watched….AT SCHOOL), girls going into her locker stealing her clothes and passing them out to their friends, wearing them in school as well as slicing her clothes and destroying possessions in her locker ( she is only allowed to put a lock on her locker if she has gym, which she doesn’t), people swearing at her every chance they get, among a few other things.  I know you are reading this and thinking OMG that is all happening during school, how crazy and sad is this?
I would like to stop here to add in my thoughts about this before i finish my story.  As sad as all that is, my daughter isn’t a 100% innocent.  She has fed into their drama, yelled things to get them mad, and fought back a few times, which I am perfectly ok with, just in case you want to know.  I am all for defending yourself if someone hits you.   If I’m being completely honest here, if my daughter didn’t feed into the drama it might have not gone so far.  But what teen girl could ignore all that has happened?  And then in a failed attempt at protecting his sister, my oldest son, sent these girls rude awful texts that he shouldn’t have sent.  Did I condone this, absolutely not.  Do I think his actions were ok, definitely not.  Did he get punished for it, YUP YOU BET HE DID.  I did take the time to explain to him that I am so happy he is there for his sister, but because of his poor choices, he experienced the consequences of his actions, which was losing his phone and digital usage privileges.  To a teen that’s like killing him.  I told him he needs to learn the proper way to stand up & protect his sister instead of resorting to the level of the bullies.  And I was really disappointed with the choice he made.  Plus, he caused the girls to get angrier and they ended up beating her up in the hallway over it.  So in his attempts to protect her, he ended up hurting someone he loved.  That in itself was a hard consequence for him to deal with.  
The main reason I believe these girls keep going after my daughter is because my daughter is a strong girl who won’t back down for anyone.  She is a “tells you like it is type of person.”  And because they haven’t really gotten punished.  I mean a few days suspension and they are back, at it again.  I can recall numerous times my daughter went to the office to report something happening and nothing was done about it.  There were numerous warning signs that were ignored.  I have been upset and stressed over the well being and safety every time she went to school these last few weeks, when things happened one after another.
We did have a meeting with all parties involved, the school, parents, a police officer, but the parents were fixated on what my son did, never once owning what their daughters have been doing to mine.  The girls said they don’t remember hitting my daughter, they blacked out.  So not only do their parents not take responsibility for their children, they modeled a great example of what not to teach our children.  And we wonder why there is so much tragedies in our schools these days?  Really?  Over and over the parents were focused on he said she said stuff, not the actual bullying their children have done.  Nor did they seem remorseful.  Instead they were playing the victim.  I have been on the other side of the fence because over the last 7 years or so, my son has been bullied became the bully and found his way back into the young man he is today.  Does he make mistakes, of course he does he is a teenager.  But I never once accepted and allowed him to play the victim.  I always stood by him, even when I didn’t want to or was embarrassed, but I always made him take responsibility for his actions.  These parents didn’t do that because their had the victim mentality so it’s only understandable why their children acted this way.   The meeting wrapped up with all parties knowing if anything further happened, the superintendent would get involved and so would the police.  I honestly think my phone call to the superintendents office really helped my situation.  I mean they have gotten away with so much, at the expense of my daughter.  

Well, today the girls are back at it again, with another kid.  A girl that defended my daughter when they were spreading lies on Facebook, saying my daughter was the one bullying them.  Like my daughter leaving school from them kicking and hitting her, at one point she couldn’t breath and was hyperventilating.  But they were bullied.  Now, this girl who had the courage to stand up and by one of her friends, is getting their attentions now.  Will this ever stop?  What is wrong with our schools accepting this behavior?  How in this day and age is it ok for a child to attend school, afraid of what’s lurking around the corner?  How can schools, parents, & teachers ignore the warning signs after so many school related tragedies our country has had over the last 5 or 6 years?   Am I the crazy one, missing something because I think this whole situation is completely unacceptable and out of control?  
**Thanks for listening to my rants about an important issue we are trying hard to work through without any more incident.  It’s great I have a place I can vent and let my thoughts out.**


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Welcome To My CircusChristian Mommy Blogger, Sincerely Paula

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10 thoughts on “Bullying: Guiding My Kids Through It

  1. As a teacher in a Canadian elementary school, I have never seen or heard of such bullying fortunately in my area. So sad and terrible for you and your family to have to go through this horrific experience. I can’t believe how bad it is. I am so happy that you have been proactive and have involved all the parties etc. I hope and pray for your family and this new girl that this will stop soon. So damaging. What has worked in the past in youth justice in my area of Canada is something called restorative justice… a circle where everyone sits and listens and has to try to determine the consequences to repair the harm done. I wish you some peace as you go forward. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for such a sweet comment 🙂
      I think the restorative justice thing seems like a great idea. I may suggest that to the school when I talk with them again. It sounds better than just a suspension, which does nothing to the kids. I’m going to look into this. Thanks for taking the time and sharing with me another idea to could help our situation.

      Liked by 1 person

      • In Canada, we called them community justice forums and I was trained to do them in schools after hours. Very powerful experience with many who started out rather cold and arrogant breaking down in tears when they heard how their actions had impacted others. The group as a whole decides the consequences and these are not lame suspensions either. They were meaningful and made the bullies really examine what they had done.

        Liked by 1 person

      • This sounds amazing. There was a program that this reminds me of that my son did, but it was a group therapy for kids who have a hard time fitting in. And because of there approach, kids just opened up, which was amazing because they were the ones considered troubled or lost. My son changed after attending this month long program.
        This does sound like a great to handle this and other situations. I am def going to mention something to our school about this approach. I have no idea why schools aren’t already doing it here in the states. And if they are, why our schools aren’t doing it yet.
        Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. When I was a in middle school there were instances where I too was bullied. I was scared and felt like I had no one to talk about what was going on. It was a rough time for me. I admire your daughter though for standing up for herself because a lot of kids like myself never had the courage to do so. Keep guiding her to keep doing the right thing, as long as she stays true to who she is it’ll pay off in the future. I’m glad to see you guiding your kids down the right path because that’s what the youth is missing today. Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your nice comment and sharing a little of your past with bullies. I too was bullied in school and didn’t speak up until a few years later. Instead, I would avoid people and places which in turn made me miss out of a lot of fun things. Because of my past, I wanted to teach my children to stand up for themselves in situations like the ones above.
      She has learned a hard lesson from this but I feel that even though she is scared to go to school right now, once it is finally over and she’s looking back at it, she will get a sense of pride from standing up for herself.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, thank you for sharing your story – I’m sorry you and your family had to struggle through this. You are doing a fabulous job teaching your children to take responsibility for their actions through all of this. So many parents just don’t want to deal with their kids’ out of control behavior, or they don’t know how to. Teaching your kids the way you are takes strength! I honestly am sort of terrified of my daughter being a tween/teen because of these issues (she’s only one and I’m already worrying!). Sharing our stories helps each other. I found your post via the No Rules Weekend blog party.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot. I completely agree that sharing our stories, good and bad, helps one another through motherhood. All to often we share the good parts, but its the other stuff where we need encouragement, support, or just someone to say “I thought I was the only one who had to deal with this.”
      I think it’s good to be scared of those years, as long as we do stress too much over it. From my experience, it’s the parents that aren’t ever scared or worried, that really has heavy problems. The teen years are so difficult to get through, but we all do. I just pray my kids come out of it mentally fit and stable. Because as we all know, those years can really have a huge affect on us later in life.
      Thanks for visiting and commenting 🙂

      Like

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